I floated in a deprivation tank this morning. Seemed like a good idea. Alone in a dark salty pool for an hour. I wanted to imagine being held by god. Any god. Any force beyond me. I wanted to pray and fill myself up with loveforce. When the weight of the world is lifted what can be revealed?
I felt the edges of my skin melt into the water around me. Dozed in and out of sleep. I played the voice of my inner-mother. Her script reads: welcome dear one you are enough, you are safe, never alone, rest into the arms of god. She would add and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I wrapped my arms around myself. No tears. I thought there would be tears, but no, not this time. My eyes already burned with the salt of the pool, it was close enough to tears, even by my standards. I savored not knowing the time. My thoughts bounces and floated off I slowly waved them back to the experience of resting in the arms of god.
In that space of floating everything does seem to want to melt away. I felt my body holding on though. Eventually I noticed how easy it was to breathe. My bones even readjusted. The constant holding up against gravity melted away. In this place my body was able to find its natural position. Thank god no one was there to witness it. Thank god not even myself. In the pitch black I practiced just being in my natural state of perfection and ugliness. Thank god the tank seemed exceptionally large, to hold all of my humanity.
This is what I want to practice.
I crawled out of the tank slowly. Giving in to the reality of gravity and human life. I see the borders between me/god are porous. I like it in that salty womb. I bought two more sessions. I'm calling it my Resting in the Arms of God therapy. I'll report back.